Volume 115 Chapter 29

"You two are really handsome. Where are you from?"

Ming Feizhen and Hua Qing could only smell the scent of the seven girls, see their skin through certain angles of their risqué attire and hear their young, alluring voices.

"I-I am Chinese," Hua Qing stuttered.

"Your bashful reaction is so cute," one of the sixteen year old girls teased.

Ming Feizhen puffed up his cheeks. "I'm also Chinese. Why aren't I cute?"

"This boy is even cuter when he's grumpy." The girl pulled Ming Feizhen into her embrace.

"You can save your energy. I'm not the sort of person you imagine I am." Ming Feizhen forced the girl off him. "Where's my forty-sixth dish? Food comes first. The rest comes after."

"This isn't something that can left for 'after', is it?!" Hua Fei cried. "Why would you bring me to this sort of place?! How am I going to face Miss Su?"

Ming Feizhen, alternating between drinking alcohol and eating peanuts, responded, "How are the two related? What sort of place do you think this is?"

"Huh? Are you telling me this isn't," switching to a whisper, Hua Qing continued, "what is this place, then?"

"A brothel."

"That's what I thought! Right?! There's no alternative, is there, given this edifice. What the hell are you on about, then?! Why did you bring me here?! My reputation stinks so bad that you can already smell it from the other side of the world."

"Pipe down."

"Oh, sorry, sorry." Hua Qing returned to his seat and, stifling his voice, queried, "What are we here for?"

"Fishing." Ming Feizhen rested his arm on the table similarly to a man bored out of his skin. "Unfortunately, the fish aren't biting the bait."

Ming Feizhen conspicuously strolled through the streets of the city to bait the people out for Hua Qing, but they couldn't lure out anyone. Reasoning that they hadn't stood out enough after visiting the wharf and bathhouse, Ming Feizhen figured they needed to experiment with more special places, hence the visit to the most famous and biggest brothel - Beauty Spring Brothel. Given the flourishing business, he assumed it'd finally work out.

"What if talking about this topic exposes us?"

Fiddling with a peanut in his hand, Ming Feizhen answered, "Silence them."

"?!"

"As if. Well, seeing as the fish didn't bite, we might as well kill some time. Xin Buyi is sponsoring the trip, isn't he?"

"I highly doubt he'd be willing to give you a single coin if he knew what you were spending the funds on..."

The girl who just went out sent a pair back in, one called Yungu and another Ruisi, and tended to one of them each in case the other girls didn't live up their patrons' standards.

Ignoring their presence, Ming Feizhen said, "We're waiting for people to come for you, so there's nothing for us to do besides relax, reenergise and eat pork shoulders. Oh, you were going to teach me how to get a wife, right? We have plenty of time right now. Let's start class."

"Here?" Hua Qing looked around, then expressed, "I suppose it might work. We do have two to demonstrate on."

Miss Yungu giggled. "You want a wife at your young age, Young Master?"

Ming Feizhen shook his head and sighed. "I don't have a choice. Somebody has to inherit the family business."

"Young Master, you're adorable." Ruisi leaned onto Ming Feizhen's chest. "That being said, aren't you worried we'd get jealous with you talking about finding a wife around us?"

"Huh?" Ming Feizhen caught the girl leaning on him, eyelids having a spasm. "What's wrong? Why don't you sit straight? Are you not feeling well?"

Ruisi gently draped her arms over Ming Feizhen's shoulders and, deliberately breathing onto him as she spoke, conveyed, "Yeah, it aches right here. Can you take a look for me?"

"Where?"

Ruisi lowered her rosy cheeks, huffed a breath down the opening in her robes, then inflated her chest. "Right here."

"Where?"

"You won't see if you just look at that angle."

"How do I check it, then?"

"You're such a tease, asking the obvious." Ruisi leaned in and whispered by Ming Feizhen's ear, "My... chest hurts. Please open me up... and check."

"Miss." Ming Feizhen Ruisi upright and then grabbed her wrist. "You're mistaken."

"Ah?"

Ming Feizhen checked Ruisi's pulse. "You lack yin energy. Your liver wind is rising, and you have a liver blood deficiency. As a result, you are prone to sweating, insomnia and feeling hot. It's not related to chest pains."

"Huh?"

"Your condition is a product of overworking yourself or inadequate rest. Show me your tongue."

Though perplexed, Ruisi went along.

"As a thought. I'll prescribe two formulas for you. Drink them before bed. They need to be consumed hot to work. Here's the prescription. Collect the herbs from the back."

"Huh? Th-thanks?"

"You're welcome. Next."

Ruisi still couldn't wrap her head around what happened even after she left.

On the other hand, Hua Qing didn't bat an eye, seemingly expecting as much. "How do you expect to ever find a wife?"

"What?" Ming Feizhen packed away the brush, paper, ink and stone.

Hua Qing heaved a breath of defeat. "To find a wife, you need to first recognise your problem."

"What problem do I have?"

"Look at this girl." Hua Qing gestured toward Yungu, the girl whom elicited a desire for men to protect, with a hand. "What do you think?"

"Nothing."

"As a man, you must have an opinion."

"Like?"

"You need to figure that out for yourself. Look at this pretty girl. Do you have any special feelings?"

Ming Feizhen put Yungu through a thorough visual audient, then started wagging a finger. "... Mm, I know."

"And that is?"

"A flame. A flame coming out of my body." Ming Feizhen positioned his hands by his chest as though he was singing his heart out in a ballad.

"Not bad, not bad. You're on the right track. And?"

"It feels like I'm about to explode."

"Huh? Calm down. You can't explode here. I'm still here!"

"I can't. I can't calm down."

"You must! Wait for me to go to the room next door first!"

"No, I have to let it out now!" Ming Feizhen sauntered over to the panic-stricken girl. He smacked the table and yelled, "Where's my food?!"

Yungu and Hua Qing: "Huh?"

"'Huh' what?! How long does it take?! Don't just stare. Where's my food, damn it?!"

Yungu started sobbing.

"What are you staring for? All you do is stare instead of work. Man, this place's business practices are corrupt." Ming Feizhen looked to Hua Qing. "What? Why are you staring at me, too?"

Hua Qing flicked up a thumb. "... Bloody ruthless, you are."

"Thanks?"

"That's nothing to be proud of! What have you done?! That's all that comes to mind when you see her?"

"What else? I paid for forty-six dishes, yet I have yet to see one. Isn't my irritation justified?"

"That's not what I'm saying. You need to learn how to treat a lady. You should've seen how menacing you were. If you want a wife, you need to learn to be gentle, considerate and smile."

"Sounds like a creep to me."

"Hey, shut up. You going to learn or not?"

"Demonstrate for me?"

"Ah, fine." Hua Qing cleared his throat, then brightly approached the crying girl. "Miss Yungu, my brother didn't mean to scare you. Here, wipe your tears with this. Don't ruin your beauty with tears."

Yungu smacked away Hua Qing's handkerchief and continued crying.

Hua Qing awkwardly fetched his handkerchief from the ground, then continued, "Miss, they say, 'No matter if it's flat plains or mountaintops, bees occupy the places flowers bloom. For whom do they toil for the honey? For whom do they ferment the honey?' S-"

"Go away, you nuisance!"

Ming Feizhen: "... Sucking up to someone who doesn't like you is self-burial."

"What dialect is that from?! Stop taking roundabout ways to disparage me!" Hua Qing forlornly exclaimed, "Just remember to kind, considerate and smile!"

"Yeah, yeah."

"I can't believe a top pretty boy like me is on the same level as you..."

"Huh? Hua Gezi, why are you pulling me down to your level? I'm popular, you know?"

"You?! You're popular? Show me!"

While the two were arguing, the forty-six piping-hot dishes were served up. The brothel owner also came in to give her apologies and bring in a few more girls to wait on the pair, including Ruisi. To be fair on the brothel, they were a brothel, not a restaurant, so expecting forty-six dishes to fly out of the kitchen was a tall order.

Yungu also fixed her clothing up and joined them, although she didn't dare to say a word or smile. To avoid a third moment of awkwardness, Hua Qing didn't open his mouth again.

Ming Feizhen crouched down in front of Yungu and just looked at her. Yungu turned her head away, but Ming Feizhen just held his position. "... I'm super handsome."

Seven of the eight girls laughed. Yungu tried fighting the urge, but she ended up being one of the seven.

"Hahaha." Ming Feizhen placed a pair of chopsticks in Yungu's hand, confusing her. "Feed me." The only girl in the room he looked at was Yungu. Out of nowhere, he raised the corners of his lips, "Sister, feed me."

Caught off guard, Yungu's face resembled a ripe tomato.

Hua Qing sprung to his feet. "You know how to pick up girls!"

"Never said I couldn't." Ming Feizhen took the piece of meat Yungu held up with his mouth. "I went to a brothel with my shifu when I was one. I've played hand touching, foot touching, face touching whatever games with more aunties and sisters than I can keep count of."

"Why would you ask me to teach you to find a wife, then?! You trolling me?!"

"No. I know how to talk to girls, but I don't know how to get a wife."

"How are they any different?"

"Isn't a wife someone you spend your entire life with? How can they be the same?"

"... I can't tell if you know too much or too little..."

"Of course that would be..." Ming Feizhen grinned. "A fish finally bit."

Yungu involuntarily lost her grip on her chopsticks as Ming Feizhen zipped out. Before they could see the door open, they heard, "Ow! Who hit me!" from outside. They looked to the door to see Ming Feizhen stepping on a hunched man, smirking. "I've been waiting all day for you. Why are you spying on us?"

"Who's spying on you? Ow, ow, ow!"

Yungu went to place her chopsticks down, only to discover they had already flown out of her hand.

Whilst chewing, Ming Feizhen threatened, "Shall I break your old bones?"

Hua Qing rushed to the door to see who was at Ming Feizhen's mercy and exclaimed, "Shifu?!"

Glossary

Ruisi's diagnosis - Don't bother trying to understand what the conditions are. The diagnostics are based on archaic definitions and attributions of illness that don't translate well to contemporary language. For the record, the names I used are the actual terms practitioners will use at clinics. Not even native speakers understand these names just as we don't understand every medical name, so don't sweat it.