Chapter 91.2: Shatter, Scatter, Hate (7) Part 2
The status window, which I had dismissed earlier, reappeared, flashing insistently in my field of vision.
-Ding!
[79 Unread Urgent Messages]
1. Urgent Message! - Due to severe mental shock...
2. Urgent Message! - Due to severe mental shock...
3. Urgent Message! - Due to severe mental shock...
4. Urgent Message! - Due to severe mental shock...
.
.
.
78. Urgent Message! - Due to severe mental shock...
79. Urgent Message! - Due to severe mental shock...
A long list of unread messages scrolled down the screen, each one a testament to my rapidly deteriorating mental state.
I stared at the screen, my mind numb with shock.
The bright light flickered, the letters rearranging themselves in a dizzying dance.
It didn't take long for me to realize what was happening.
"Ah..."
-Ding!
[System experiencing critical damage due to excessive mental strain!]
[System malfunction imminent!]
[Status window will be unavailable for an 'unknown' amount of time!]
"Fuck."
A string of curses escaped my lips as I stared at the ominous message.
-Pull yourself together. Grit your teeth.
-Don't let it crumble.
-Don't you dare break.
The fragmented memories of a dream, of a voice urging me to hold on, flashed through my mind.
A moment later, the status window shattered.
-Crash!
The translucent blue screen exploded outwards, showering me in a rain of shimmering shards.
A mechanical voice, distorted and laced with static, echoed through the sudden silence.
-Ding!
[As the system shuts down, the passive skill 'Iron Mind' will be deactivated!]
[Skill 'Iron Mind' deactivated!]
Oh.
The wall was crumbling.
"No..."
The word escaped my lips, a choked whisper laden with despair.
.
.
.
Iron Mind.
An EX-rank passive skill, never before seen in the original story.
A mental barrier, bestowed upon me by the system, designed to protect my fragile psyche from collapse.
It was a vessel, of sorts.
A vessel that kept my negative emotions in check, preventing them from overwhelming me.
A vessel that kept the trauma and depression buried deep within me from resurfacing.
A vessel that held the fragile fragments of my sanity together.
It was because of 'Iron Mind' that I was able to experience a semblance of peace in this life.
It was because of 'Iron Mind' that I no longer woke up screaming in the dead of night, haunted by nightmares of my past.
It was because of 'Iron Mind' that I no longer broke down in the middle of training, my body wracked with tremors as I relived the horrors I had witnessed.
It was because of 'Iron Mind' that I was able to speak again, the trauma-induced aphasia that had plagued me after my mother's death fading into a distant memory.
It was because of 'Iron Mind' that I no longer found myself perched precariously on window ledges, the urge to end it all a constant whisper in the back of my mind.
The status window, in its own twisted way, had given me a chance at a better life.
"Ugh... H-Help..."
But what would happen now, without it?
What would happen when the dam broke, and all the pain, all the fear, all the rage I had been holding back came crashing down?
"Agh... Aghhh...!!"
My mind would shatter.
All the mental illnesses I had fought so hard to overcome would return with a vengeance, dragging me down into the abyss.
"Arghh!!!"
"S-Senior?!"
"Master Raiden! Don't rip off the bandages! The wounds haven't..."
I hadn't realized it then, back when I had entertained those fleeting thoughts of what life would be like without 'Iron Mind.'
I hadn't realized that it would be like this.
-Rip! Rip! Rip!
My hands, moving with a life of their own, tore at the bandages covering my wounds.
The fabric ripped away, taking with it strips of flesh, reopening the wounds that had been so carefully stitched together.
"Raiden! What are you doing?!"
"Stop him!"
-Thud...
The blood-soaked bandages fell to the floor, painting the ground crimson.
Blood, hot and sticky, oozed from my wounds, staining my clothes a gruesome red.
But I couldn't stop.
I clawed at my skin, desperate to escape the suffocating terror that threatened to consume me.
Margaret, her face ashen with fear, grabbed my wrists, trying to pull my hands away.
My vision flickered, the edges of my consciousness fading to black.
And then, everything went dark.
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