Chapter 800: It would be best if both could be achieved

"Thank you." Seiji was quite moved by his adopted younger sister's heartfelt intentions.

It was impossible for him to only care about himself and ignore everything else. Still, he was quite grateful that Shika cared about him so much.

"I also think that protecting yourself is the most important," Hisashi spoke up next. "If changing yourself means that you won't be the current you anymore, then it might really be better not to change yourself."

The blond-haired mafia otaku's tone was quite serious. He didn't sound even the slightest bit chuunibyou.

His father, older brother, and all the people of the Juumonji Mafia group were currently in danger. Even so, he was still calmly thinking things through and not just wanting Seiji to use his full powers to save others.

That was because Hisashi had already personally witnessed a concrete example of what might happen if someone became too addicted to chasing after power. Even now, he still remembered the events of traveling down to Hell together with his younger sister Kaede in order to save his foolish older brother Zankita as if it had happened yesterday.

At that time, Hisashi had relied on Seiji's power to resolve the situation. But what if Seiji ended up having the same problem as Zankita? Who would resolve the situation then?

"I... don't really agree with you," Yukari slowly spoke up. "Is it really that necessary to be afraid of using one's power? Seiji himself said that he's only afraid of the worst possible scenario. But, maybe things won't be as bad as he thinks if he stops restraining himself. Even if he's corrupted by his own power, he should be able to conquer himself with his own willpower."

Just like Hisashi, she was saying this because of her own personal experience.

She had used her own willpower to break free from the control of her mystical connection. Even now, she was fighting for her own sense of self against her Awakened power. She believed that this was a trial where fear and trying to run away would be useless. Only bravely facing things head on would be the best method in her mind.

Yukari viewed Seiji's situation as a vastly magnified version of her own situation. Although he was far more powerful than she was, the logic would be the same. Although choosing to run away seemed like a possible choice, she believed that it was more of a dead end.

"But if he really does change, he might lose everything," Kaede spoke up. "Seiji must have his deep reasons for being so worried. Acquiring an incomparably great power is usually accompanied by a heavy price."

Since Kaede had also been down in Hell to save her idiot of an older brother Zankita who was corrupted by power, she had the same view as her brother Hisashi.

"I think that..." Hoshi spoke up weakly. "Although I really want Senpai to save everyone dear to us, if the price for that is that Senpai has to change, I think it might not be worth it."

People change. Hoshi's personal experience gave him a deep impression of this classical phrase.

People sometimes changed for the better, and sometimes changed for the worse. Naturally, it would be good if they changed for the better, but a bad change might be worse than any other possible situation.

If his senpai became someone with an evil personality... Hoshi felt tremendous fear from just trying to imagine it. He didn't dare to even think too much along these lines.

"Basically, this is like a gamble." Kazuko adjusted her eyeglasses. "If Seiji's personality doesn't change after releasing his full power, then everything will be all good. If his personality greatly changes and becomes something evil, then not only will he not save people, he might even harm others, and the first people to be harmed will probably be us."

Everyone fell silent after Kazuko said this.

"In the end, only Seiji himself can make the decision," Mayuzumi said softly. "We all hope that Seiji can maintain his sense of self, and also hope that everyone else can be saved. It would be best if both could be achieved... But if only one side can be chosen, only Seiji himself can decide which side to choose."

Just like Mika, Mayuzumi wanted to apologize to Seiji because she wasn't of much help to him. Rather, she was a much larger burden than help.

Seiji had helped everyone here, but not a single person was able to help him. This seemed truly tragic to her.

"I agree with Amami-san. Seiji should choose for himself," Kaho voiced her opinion.

She had once become fallen and harmed her own older sister Karen. Kaho had only returned to normal due to her sister and Seiji's assistance. She felt that she didn't have the right to say anything and that she should simply trust him.

Nozomi who silently listened to everyone's opinions now had a general understanding of what was going on. However, she didn't intend to say anything. She simply hugged Reo who was now asleep and taking a nap while gently looking at Seiji.

Both of Natsuya's Spirit-branded Retainers, Hitaka and Rana, also remained silent. Hitaka stood still with her arms folded, while Rana blinked innocently.

Chiaki took a long look at Seiji's face. She opened her mouth and wanted to say something, but in the end, didn't. She simply showed an expression of complete trust in Seiji.

She felt that there was nothing to say.

Natsuya also felt the same way. She smiled at Seiji and expressed her feelings in this manner.

Seiji slowly looked around at everyone and sensed their opinions before he closed his eyes.

In the end, the best answer he could arrive at was the most cliché one—it would be best if both could be achieved!

He should save everyone in the city, but he also needed to maintain his sense of self.

In the end, this was all because he was mentally too weak.

Because he deeply realized that he was foundationally still an ordinary person, he lacked confidence... He didn't have the confidence to maintain his sense of self if he casually used his greatest power of saving and loading as he pleased. That was why he asked for help from all his companions.

He felt that Mai had been correct. He was acting spoiled.

The problem was with himself. The choice was also his to make. He had to take the responsibility of making the decision.

After much frustration, contemplation, and inner conflict... In the end, Seiji's final decision was to: "take things slowly".

He would start to use his save and load ability more proactively and more often. However, he wouldn't be increasing his usage too much at first. It would be a gradual process for him.

He would carefully and cautiously begin using his power more often.

Since he had to use it in order to save everyone, but he was also worried about himself, this was all he could do.

Of course, this was quite a roundabout and unbecoming way of doing things. He was just like a young child who was afraid of walking in the dark. But for Seiji, this was the best possible method he could come up with which would achieve both purposes.

'So what if this is roundabout and unbecoming? I was simply an ordinary otaku in my past life, not some major personage,' Seiji sardonically thought to himself.

He had his limits. Seiji was quite clear on this. It would be too difficult for him to precisely control his save and load ability which seemed to have absolutely zero limitations or cost.

But no matter what, he could only carry this burden as he moved forward.

No matter how slowly he progressed.

No matter how much more he needed to think about it with frustration and inner conflict.

He would still need to move forward.

After making up his mind, Seiji slowly opened his eyes to reveal a fiercely determined look.

"Thank you, everyone...

"Although I don't dare to say that I won't have any more confusion in the future, I'll definitely try my very best.

"I won't change my current self. Or at least, I won't change most of who I am, but I'll also go and save everyone that I should save.

"I shall do my best to use my power appropriately, rather than being controlled by my own power."

Everyone else heaved a sigh of relief when they saw his current expression and heard his words. They were all sincerely happy for him.

Although no fight had occurred, everyone felt like they had just overcome a major obstacle.

If anyone had said something wrong or unnecessary, maybe something would have changed the future for far worse... Such pressure of the unknown was far too much! Perhaps a life and death battle might really have been easier.

Thankfully, this all finished without a hitch.

"Now, I'd like to go visit Soul Society," Seiji told everyone. "I want to see if I can find anyone there and obtain more information."

He was now absolutely certain that he would load back into the past in order to save the lives of the several hundred thousand people who had already perished when the Sakura Catastrophe Goddess descended and froze everyone.

However, before he "left" this timeline, he would first do everything he could to obtain more information first.

Every time he loaded felt like he was abandoning an entire world to him... He would have to face his feelings of guilt directly and shoulder this burden.

Since he had now resolved himself, he would have to carry this burden properly.

'Perhaps... I'm not even saving anything. Maybe I'm just arrogantly thinking that I'm saving others,' Seiji thought to himself.

But even so, he was still going to take this path.

Even if he was only saving himself, he would persist down this path.