Chapter 535: Scared

Water from the showerhead rained down over her, and the air began to steam up, forming a faint mist. She leaned against the door, slowly sliding down to the ground. She sat on its cold, hard surface, wrapping her arms around herself tightly.

The bruises on her wrist were still there.

As Xia Ling stared at the faint traces of the wound, her body began to tremble.

She had been with Li Lei for a rather long time, and she felt no repulsion towards his touch. If he did use more force in his expression of desire for her sometimes, she would be angry but wouldn't cross over to her being terrified or furious. However, he used a tie to tie her.

This scared her to death.

Why did he not stop when she said no?!

A knock sounded from outside.

"Xiao Ling," Li Lei sounded tense. "What's wrong with you? Open the door."

Xia Ling stayed silent. She recalled how in her previous life, she gave her all into loving a man but ended up landing in a state of imprisonment, humiliation, and aggression. Her reincarnation this time around, she thought she found true love for the rest of her life, but a sudden paragliding incident made them miss their chance of forever. She fought so hard to protect his child, yet the child died a month before he managed to rescue them from the other man. In order to have their child buried nearer to them, she bitterly pleaded with another man, only to face rejection. And while she was drowning in misery and loss of hope, he chose not to care when she struggled and rejected his advances and brutally reopened a fresh wound of hers.

She was drowning in sorrow.

She didn't understand why she faced such a tough and bitter life.

Was this all fated, for her to never live in bliss?

She let out a small whimper.

"Xiao Ling, Xiao Ling? Are you okay?" Standing outside the bathroom, Li Lei heard her cries and pushed against the door harder. "Please say something! Don't scare me! I was wrong, it's my fault, I shouldn't have treated you like that! Please, come out. Open the door, quickly open the door!"

All she did was cry.

In both lifetimes, sorrow poured out of her, and at that moment, she wanted just to die and end everything. Brother said that one time of attaining a state of nirvana would bring about a little bliss. So maybe, the next life would be one that's more blissful?

But... she couldn't bear to.

She couldn't bear to leave the man frantically pounding on the other side of the door. What if she reincarnated and forgot him? Even if she didn't forget him, what if he ended up being like Pei Ziheng and no longer loved the new her? She wailed and cried out loud.

After a really long time, a loud sound came from the wall beside the door.

Jumping in fear, she looked up with her red and puffy eyes only to see a huge hole through the wall that appeared out of nowhere and Li Lei's strong figure making his way out of it. Li Lei caught sight of her and immediately kneeled down, sweeping her into his arms.

"Xiao Ling, are you all right?" He asked anxiously.

She cried even louder, sounding out of breath. "Li Lei, you jerk! You animal! You bullied me!"

He embraced her gently, her cries taking away his strength and filling him with pain and self-blame. He was her man, and he was supposed to protect her. How could he end up hurting her? "Xiao Ling, I'm really sorry... Sorry." He said gently. "I won't do that again. It's my fault, all my fault."

It took a while before she stopped crying, as her tears dried up. Li Lei carefully carried her back to the bed and gave her some honey lemon water to drink. He stayed by her side for a long time, waiting for her to calm down, but he didn't dare to ask about her sudden breakdown. It was only an act of tying her wrists, why did such a small gesture cause her so much alarm?

She hadn't properly thought it through, but Xia Ling lifted her tear-stained face and said, "Li Lei, let me stay somewhere else for a few days." Her voice sounded so unlike her.

Li Lei's heart skipped a beat. "Stay somewhere else? Xiao Ling, I was in the wrong, please don't go. Isn't we staying together a good thing? I won't treat you like that ever again."

Xia Ling shook her head weakly. "I'm scared."

Li Lei's voice became gentle. "Really, I will never hurt you again."

She still shook her head. "That's not the problem..." She remained in deep thought for a long time, not knowing how to explain. "I'm just... scared. Even knowing you didn't mean to, and that you won't tie me up ever again, but this kind of fear just cannot be controlled. Do you understand?"

As she talked, tears spilled out of her eyes again, and she wiped at them with the back of her hands.

Li Lei felt as if a thousand daggers were stabbed into his heart, and he was in so much pain it felt as if he couldn't breathe. "The one who should be moving out is me, Xiao Ling. You stay here safely, I'll come back when you no longer fear me."

Still, she still shook her head.

"I want to move out," she said, gently but firmly. "I'm scared of not just you, but this bed, this house..." She used the back of her hands to wipe away her tears once again. "Once I close my eyes, it's as if..."

"It's as if?" He asked softly.

The image of shackles and the dog came into her mind, and she fought hard to push back against the terror threatening to overwhelm her. "Let me go." She said, "Li Lei, I'm not trying to cause a rift between us. I love you, but this incident caused me to fear you. I'll come back when I no longer hold so much fear towards you."

Li Lei knew that no amount of persuasion was of any use. He was also scared, scared that if he held too much control, he would lose her.

Finally, he nodded and said somberly, "Where do you want to go? I'll send you."

Xia Ling chose to stay at Feng Kun's place.

With a wound from the previous lifetime ripped open, she didn't dare to venture out alone, and also didn't want to receive too much concern and interrogation. All she wanted was a quiet and safe place to stay. Besides Pei Ziheng, only Feng Kun knew about her reincarnation and even about the child.

She could afford to have on a pained expression and be in such sorrow that she couldn't stomach any food, and yet nobody would ask about it.

Li Lei was not in favor of her staying where an unattached man lived—even if it were Feng Kun, who had a good reputation within the industry. However, her limp form pained him, and he eventually gave in.

He knew that Feng Kun had been her brother since the beginning.

Feng Kun looked at her red, puffy eyes and got a shock. While ushering them in, he asked what happened. Xia Ling shook her head weakly, and Li Lei was unable to give a clear explanation too, saying, "She's not in a good state and expressed her desire to come to stay with you for a few days till she feels better."

Feng Kun gained a bit of clarity about the situation. Xiao Ling probably recalled something from her previous life.

He said, "No problem. The guest room is free to use. I will take good care of Xiao Ling, so don't you worry, Li Lei."

Deep down, Li Lei wasn't happy. He wanted to immediately grab Xiao Ling and bring her away from this house. But his sanity held him back, and he even told Feng Kun, "Really sorry to have brought you such inconvenience. I will come to visit her often. And please do contact me if anything is wrong."

Feng Kun nodded. "Don't worry."