Chapter 3: Florida Man Imposing as Sage Scams Teenager
Chapter 3 - Florida Man Imposing as Sage Scams Teenager
Infuriated, Gao Yan started searching for the culprit. He checked the footprints on the ground, but the first things that attracted him were blue grasses.
"Huh? S-S-Spirit Grasses?!"
Gao Yan rushed to the nearest blue grasses at the edge of the plain. He then looked left and right and plucked them, put them in his robes, and laughed.
"I can exchange these for spirit stones! No, I can actually eat them raw and absorb their Qi. If I accumulate enough Qi, I can break through from the Muscle Tempering Realm to the Qi Condensation Realm! Then, I won't be kicked out anymore!"
Overjoyed by the discovery, Gao Yan ran around and plucked more blue grasses. He got so many that his robes were bulky. An hour later, Gao Yan could no longer move as the grass in his clothes would fall off. He sat down to rearrange his treasure trove.
Gao Yan took off his robes and pants. He tied them into makeshift bags and put the grass in them. After the packages were wrapped up, he put them next to the boulder and headed east, where the stream was located. He wanted to wash his hands and take a short bath to refresh himself.
A few minutes later, Gao Yan found the stream as he had expected. However, one noticeable campsite stood out like a sore thumb.
In front of the tent, Gao Yan spotted a weird person in a yellowish bulky suit. He wore rubber-like gloves and boots, hiding his appearance. Next to the weird man, black grasses and disfigured plants piled into a small mountain. Moreover, Gao Yan saw strange aurora light coming from the black plants.
"W-Who are you?!" Gao Yan reached for his iron sword, but he couldn't find his weapon. He forgot that he had left them next to his clothes and blue grass.
The man in bulky yellow cloth turned around, showing his face behind the layer of transparent mask. He was an elderly man with long white hair and a white full beard. Gao Yan estimated that he was in his 70s or 80s.
The elder paused and sized up Gao Yan. He then noticed that Gao Yan only wore thong underwear.
Gao Yan noticed the elder's gaze. He covered his nipples in embarrassment. Afraid that the elder would mistake him for a weirdo, he shouted in panic.
"T-This is a misunderstanding! I'm not a pervert!"
"..."
The elder muttered something, but his muffled voice was incomprehensible. Gao Yan couldn't hear what he talked about.
VRRRRRR
Suddenly, Gao Yan heard a high-pitched sound. It was not the sound of birds or creatures but a strange ringing sound wave. Then, it followed with a bell sound.
DING
Gao Yan covered his ears with his hands by reflex. His eyes felt so hot that he thought they were burning. In pain, he knelt and screamed.
"AAAAHHH!!"
The pain lasted for a moment. When Gao Yan came to his senses, he found a series of floating words in front of him.
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Name: Gao Yan
Age: 16
Remaining Lifespan: 72 Years, 4 Months, 5 Days, 2 Hours, and 21 Minutes.
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"W-What is this?!"
Gao Yan never heard of the word "Lifespan" before. He could guess that it was related to his life, but he couldn't grasp its true meaning. Looking for an answer, he turned to the elder.
Then, Gao Yan saw more floating words in front of the elder. The yellow-suited old man was busy poking at the empty air in front of him.
"Ah, ah, testing, one two three..."
The elder's voice was louder and clearer. Gao Yan could finally understand him.
The mysterious man slowly took off his helmet, revealing his face. As soon as the yellow helmet came off, Gao Yan widened his eyes and knelt. He tremblingly cupped his fist in fear.
Suppressive air and colorful aurora light emanated from the elder's body. Moreover, the pressure was similar to the sect master of the Life Sword Sect.
He was an expert!
If a muscle-tempering realm cultivator was considered a 1st stage cultivator, this elder's strength was at least the 6th-stage or higher!
"J-Junior has eyes but failed to see Mount Tai! P-Please forgive this junior for disrespecting you!" Shouted Gao Yan.
The elder dully stared at him. He frowned and scratched his head for a moment.
"What are you talking about?"
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Leo was confused.
This streaking teenager suddenly jumped out of a bush and showed up in front of his camp. Leo simply turned around and looked at him, but this guy had been yelling in incomprehensible language. He could tell that it was similar to the Chinese language, but some words sounded like Korean or Vietnamese.
Because of the language barrier, Leo opened his shopping menu and searched for a translation service or function. Unfortunately, the universal-translation function for all languages cost several million years of lifespan, which Leo couldn't afford.
Leo sorted the shop again. He filtered the item list, hoping to find an affordable replacement for the feature. Then, he found something affordable.
[Shop Feature]: 100 Years of Lifespan
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Shop Feature
Upon unlocking this feature, you can set up a shop domain. Anybody that enters your shop domain can view their remaining lifespan, and they can use them to trade with your items.
This feature comes with an auto-speech-translation option, allowing you and your customers to converse and bargain as long as both parties are within the shop domain.
This feature is upgradeable.
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Leo purchased it right away even though he had no intention of opening any shop. It had been a long time since he last chatted with a human, so he invested his lifespan in the new feature.
DING
<You have unlocked the Shop Feature.>
<Will you set up your shop domain now?>
"Yes, please."
DING
A new window appeared in front of Leo. It showed a bird-eye view of his campsite, but lines of 3D grit showed the elevation and size of his place. A green 1000x1000 grit dome appeared on the menu.
<Please choose the location of your shop.>
Leo was reminded of a simulation game in the past. He slid the dome left and right, and the 1000x1000 grit in the menu moved according to his finger.
'A shop has to be on flat land. Well, nothing around here is flat.'
Testing the feature, Leo hovered the dome over a portion of the forest, away from the stream. However, the dome remained green, allowing Leo to place it there.
'Interesting. How about here?'
Leo moved it over his tent. It was buildable here. However, it could not cover the stream. As Leo couldn't assign the area over the stream, he moved it back slightly to the west. Then, he pressed confirm.
DING
<Shop Domain has been created. The Auto-Translation Function is enabled in your domain.>
The 1,000,000 square meters, aka one square kilometer area that Leo picked turned green for a moment in the menu, but nothing changed in the real world.
Leo coughed and tested his voice.
"Ah, ah, testing, one two three..."
Upon confirming that he could still speak an understandable human language, Leo turned to the young man in thong underwear. Then, he was taken aback.
He saw the floating lifespan status of Gao Yan.
'Whoa. This is interesting.'
As the hazmat suit veil blurred his vision, Leo unzipped the helmet to get a clearer look. But when he took off his helmet, Gao Yan knelt.
"J-Junior has eyes but failed to see Mount Tai! P-Please forgive this junior for disrespecting you!"
"Hah?"
Leo frowned. He accepted the fact that he was a 50,000-year-old mutated Florida man, but this young man was a weirdo. Kneeling was unnecessary.
"What are you talking about?" Asked Leo.
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Gao Yan sweated profusely. He feared for his life as the elder's tone seemed unfriendly to him.
His instinct switched to survivor mode. Gao Yan apologized and lowered his head.
"I-I-If I offended you, please forgive me!"
"Eh, stop apologizing. It's not like you step on my foot."
The elder snorted and picked his ears. Then, he stared at the thong underwear.
"By the way, how long are you going to stay half-naked? Where are your clothes?"
"I-I'M SO SORRY, SENIOR! I'LL GET MY CLOTHES RIGHT NOW!"
Gao Yan kicked the ground and ran for his life. A few minutes later, he returned and knelt in front of the elder. He wore his uniform this time, but his clothes were covered in blue grasses and dirt.
"I'm back, senior!"
The elder remained silent. Gao Yan slowly looked up to see the elder's face and found the floating texts about his lifespan floating in front of him.
After a minute of awkward silence, the elder uttered, "Since you're here, do you want to buy my weed?"
"W-Weed, senior?"
"I want to test out my shop domain, I mean, the lifespan trading system. See the black weeds behind me?"
The elder pointed at the mountain of black grasses and strange roots. Gao Yan looked at them and gulped. Although he wasn't sure if they were valuable, they emitted a strong aura similar to the old man.
"I don't have any spirit stone on me, senior."
As Gao Yan was poor, he reluctantly declined the offer. He also regretted that he wasn't born rich as the other disciples in the sect.
"I don't need stones. I want your lifespan."
"Eh?!" Gao Yan was stunned.
"Do you see the floating lifespan in front of you?"
"Y-Yes, senior."
"How about it? I have a thousand weeds over here. I'll sell them for cheap! One of them for one year of your lifespan!"
"..."
Gao Yan rechecked his lifespan. Seeing that he had 72 years to live, he decided to give it away to the elder. After all, he could have wasted it anyway.
'What's the point of having a long lifespan if the elder suddenly decides to kill me? I should play along and get out of here alive.'
After resolving himself, Gao Yan agreed, "Yes, senior. Please allow me to buy one of your herbs. I'll pay with my lifespan!"
"Just one?!" The elder's expression darkened in dissatisfaction.
"O-One is enough, please."
"Tsk!"
The elder pressed something invisible in front of him. Suddenly, Gao Yan heard a soothing female voice.
<You have purchased a bundle of unidentified grasses for one year of lifespan.>
"Huh?"
A bundle of withered black grasses floated toward Gao Yan. The latter grabbed them but almost tossed them away.
It was burning hot!
Suddenly, Gao Yan recalled the class of herbology. One of the instructors used to show an image of legendary grasses that could only be found in mystic realms. He wondered if they were the mystic grasses in the textbooks.
Gao Yan mustered his courage to ask the old man.
"S-Senior. What are these grasses?"
The elder smirked, "My snacks. What else?"
"..."
Half of Gao Yan's mind screamed that he was scammed. However, the other half scolded him that he just had a fortuitous encounter, and he should thank the senior.
Gao Yan listened to his second instinct. He prostrated on the ground.
"Thank you for your kindness, senior! This junior will treasure it!"
"Meh, just take it and go home. Make sure to leave it in freezing water to dilute it. If you eat it raw, you'll swell and die."
"..."
Gao Yan bit his lower lips. He remembered the advice and collected the black grasses and blue grasses. He deeply bowed and left the campsite.
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After Gao Yan had left, Leo's expression turned dark as he glared at the system menu.
"I lost 100 years just to get the communication perk. Talk about an investment. Tsk!"
Leo grumbled to himself for several minutes. Suddenly, he felt like he had forgotten something important. He muttered.
"Err, those radioactive grasses won't kill the boy, right? Does leaving it in cold water help?"