Chapter 2742.2: Voices and Shadows (Part 2)
2742 Voices and Shadows (Part 2)
Every time Kamila's core and skill failed her, every time she couldn't make Elysia stop crying despite all of her efforts and Elina's teachings, the voices in her head became unbearable.
Ever since Kamila had married Lith, she had gotten used to being badmouthed and criticized both in her face and behind her back. Everyone seemed eager to explain to her why she was an unsuitable partner for a powerful mage and a waste of space.
She had learned how to brush them off, knowing from Zynia's experience how cruel people born with a golden spoon could be. During the pregnancy, the Dragon scales had reassured her of her husband's feelings and created a bond with her daughter stronger than any insult.
Yet after Elysia's birth, after losing her powers and the Dragon scales, all the mean words that had been thrown at her and she believed to have forgotten had resurfaced. Whenever she failed a spell, the space around them seemed to darken.
She felt suffocating, crowded by people pointing fingers and reminding her of her flaws and how inadequate of a mother she was. Kamila tried to ignore them, but getting hurt after messing up what was supposed to be an easy spell had been the final straw.
She was curled up because that was the only free space the shadows in her head left her. She cried because she was trying to cover the voices. Those mean words sounded less like insults and more like truth the more she listened to them.
Kamila's desperate wails tore Solus' heart to shreds, making her sob at the realization of having failed to understand how deep the pain of her beloved one was.
'Gods, I'm so stupid. Using my hair as a blanket, using the tricks I've learned from Lith to calm Elysia, and flaunting my magic to solve every problem only added fuel to the fires of Kami's feeling of inadequacy.
'Unlike what happened to Marth, she isn't just comparing herself with her pregnant self, but also with me. Without realizing it, I turned her magic lessons into a competition that Kami was bound to lose.'
Solus was about to burst into tears and beg Kamila for forgiveness when a deep-rooted pain turned her sense of guilt into righteous anger. The tears dried from her eyes and her voice became steady again.
"Kamila Yehval Verhen, don't you dare say anything like that ever again!" Solus grabbed her by the shoulders and forced Kamila to look her in the eyes. "My father, Threin, was just a human painter.
"Compared to my mother, he was weak and frail. His magical talent was so poor that he managed to fly only after lots of practice and he never learned how to use dimensional magic.
"Dad was, as you say, useless. More useless than you since he couldn't feed me as a baby and his cooking contained traces of paint so often that we all got resistant to poison over time.
"Yet I loved him. I still do. He taught me more things about being a good person than the great Ripha Menadion ever did. Whenever my mother was too busy with her experiments, my father was there for me.
"Menadion taught me everything about magic metals, mana crystals, and Forgemastering, but it was Threin who taught me how to read and write. It was he who read me stories every night before putting me to bed.
"Do you think I love him any less for it?"
Kamila was taken aback by Solus' aggression enough to snap back to her rational self.
"No. Threin's death hurt Solus a lot. It almost destroyed her mother and the relationship the two had. It represents the fall of the first domino tile that led to Bytra ending Menadion's legacy." Yet Kamila had enough sense to not spread salt in Solus' wounds and just shook her head.
"Damn right, you are. He was my whole world. I never gave a shit about his power, knowledge, or lack thereof. I only cared about his attention and enjoyed every stupid thing we did together. What you call love, Elysia is going to spell it 'time'.
"The time you give her despite your busy day. Your work. The strength you find to play with her despite being so tired that the only thing you want to do is sleep.
"Your daughter is never going to judge you on how many Dragons you've slain, only on how many memories that she has of you two together will help her to grow into the woman she will one day become.
"Don't get me wrong, I love Elina and Raaz, but I still miss my parents. I would give up on all of my powers if it meant having them back. Are you really willing to throw your daughter away only because of pride?
"To turn her into me?" Solus had no need to refer to her troubled past, her shaky relationship with Menadion, and all the regrets she carried because Kamila knew them all too well.
"No." Kamila replied after a while. "It's just that sometimes this is so hard and I feel so bad about myself that I feel hopeless. Sometimes I really feel like Elysia would do better without me."
Solus rolled her eyes and Warped away, returning a split second later. She handed a confused Elysia to Kamila, forcing her to hold the baby in her arms. With no idea what was happening, Elysia did what she did best and fell asleep.
"See? She feels safe and protected not because of your powers but because you are her mother." Solus said. "Now look at her face and tell me that what you just said makes any sense. I double dare you."
Kamila looked down and suddenly the idea of leaving her family sounded so stupid that she wouldn't believe it had ever come out of her mouth. She still felt insecure about her role in Elysia's life but she wouldn't give up on being her mother for the world.
The connection that the Dragon scales had given her with her baby was lost and the void it had left was painful, but the idea of being physically separated from Elysia was much worse.
I don't know what it is, but there's something wrong with me." Kamila said after a while. Please, help me."
I was going to do it anyway, whether you liked it or not."
***
When Elysia became one month old, two things happened. Lith discovered to be still pathologically incapable of being more than 100 meters (328) away from Elysia which forced him to carry her around everywhere he went.
No matter if it was just a trip to the grocery store or a Council summon, the baby carrier had become an integral part of his attire just like the white Supreme Magus robe.
"This is bullshot." He said to a cooing Elysia. "Now I understand why Grampa Leegaain is always so stiff and why Grandma always blackmails him with Shargein. Let's hope that by the time you are as old as your cousin, I will be able to do by myself more than go to the bathroom."
The second was Kamila's first breakthrough on her own, going from yellow to a bright yellow core.