Chapter 167

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"...My name."

I couldn't remember the name my parents had given me.

The only things I could recall were memories of the past and the four syllables of my current name, "Asen Adel."

Why?

Why couldn't I remember my own name?

Lost in thought, a memory flashed through my mind.

Back when we invaded the human realm, when I borrowed Adel's strength to defeat Terias.

Adel had asked for something in return.

"I won't ask for an artifact."

What Adel desired wasn't an artifact, nor was it the entirety of my mana.

The price Adel demanded for lending his power...

"I need to take something most precious to the Creator."

Adel said he would take something most precious from me.

...And it had resulted in something truly horrifying.

My name.

That bastard had stolen my name.

"Who... Who was I...?"

No matter how hard I tried to think, I couldn't remember my name.

It was like it had been deleted. Whenever someone called me, the name in my memories wouldn't surface.

Then, suddenly, another terrifying thought crossed my mind.

Using Absolute Stealth, fueled by Chaos, caused me to lose my senses for a long time.

Just like how I had lost my name this time.

Immediately after,

"...Did Adel also use the Chaos attribute to lend me his strength?"

I could see the truth.

Adel had been able to lend me his strength using the Chaos attribute.

To make the impossible possible, it had to be Chaos.

Moreover, the space where Adel and I had faced each other was made up of the Chaos attribute, so such speculation naturally followed.

And in return, he stole my name.

Finally, I realized what the penalty of the Chaos attribute was.

It was the 'annihilation' of something.

Due to the Chaos attribute, my name and senses had been annihilated.

Perhaps what was annihilated differed depending on how the Chaos attribute was used.

When Adel's mana heart method and Bares' mana heart method combined...

Just before the Abyssal Darkness could swallow me whole, chains of Chaos had bound the Abyss.

The Chaos attribute had been used in the process of fusion.

In that case...

"What did I lose when the mana heart methods merged?"

There was no way to know the answer.

And that was what terrified me the most.

The Chaos attribute had taken my name from me.

As Adel had said, the most precious thing to me...

Then what did it take this time?

Fear.

The fear stemming from the unknown was driving me insane.

Shuddering, I raised my head.

Nothing would change if I stayed here, consumed by fear.

What was used was used.

It wasn't something I could take back now, was it?

"...For now, I need to plan ahead."

The Chaos attribute.

It was an extremely dangerous power.

I didn't fully understand how it worked or what abilities it manifested.

However, one thing was certain: its penalty.

The annihilation of existence.

That was the price of Chaos.

"It seems okay to use Absolute Stealth, though..."

I had to be careful when incorporating the Chaos attribute into other techniques.

For some reason, Absolute Stealth's penalty wasn't as severe, but I didn't know how significant the others would be.

"...But that doesn't mean the plan I've made will fall apart."

The penalty of Chaos was indeed immense.

But it didn't affect the current me.

Well, psychologically, it did, but still.

"My name... My name..."

It wasn't a problem that my name had been annihilated.

Yes, it wasn't a problem.

Returning to reality wasn't important to me now anyway.

So...

"...Stop it, please."

Tears welled up in my eyes, blurring my vision.

A mixture of fear and emptiness seemed to tighten around my throat.

If I used the Chaos attribute any further and I... If I became something I wasn't...

What would I become?

"..."

Sighing, I pondered the complex emotions and thoughts swirling within me.

Maybe what Adel truly desired wasn't revenge against me, the Creator.

The reality was so cruel that such a thought crossed my mind.

Roughly wiping my face with my hand, I rummaged through my pocket.

― Peep? Peep...

Sijo, nestled in my pocket, rubbed its face against me.

As if to comfort me.

It must've sensed that my expression wasn't right.

I was grateful for its concern, but it wasn't enough to console me.

Gently stroking Sijo's head, I pulled out a cigarette from my pocket.

Not a lollipop like before, but a real cigarette.

I hadn't smoked before because my body was still growing.

I had swiped this cigarette from an instructor's desk a while back.

I kept it thinking I'd smoke it someday, but I didn't expect to be lighting it up now.

*Fwoosh...*

I snapped my fingers, conjuring a black flame.

The once uncontrollable black rose was now well under my control.

...I put the cigarette in my mouth, took a drag, and exhaled.

*Hoo...*

A plume of bitter, black smoke rose.

I didn't even have the time to savor the bitter taste before I took another drag.

The cigarette burned down quickly.

Even though the smoke stung my lungs, it didn't fill the emptiness inside me.

― *Peep...*

Sijo looked up at me with pity in its eyes, but I didn't have the heart to acknowledge it.

All I could do was smoke.

*Thump.*

After smoking for a while, the cigarette, burned to the filter, fell to the floor.

I lit another one.

And as I was about to put it to my lips...

*Slice.*

The end of the cigarette was severed, falling to the floor.

A thorn, seemingly sprouted from the ground, had cut my cigarette in half.

"...What was that for?"

I looked up to see who had dared interrupt my smoke.

Samuel was walking towards me, his hand still crackling with magic.

For some reason, his eyes were blazing with anger.

"I came to see what you were up to after everyone finished eating, and you're just smoking?"

"What business is it of yours if I smoke or not? We were only connected because we needed each other. Now that you're out of my body, we're nothing to each other, are we?"

*Twitch.*

Samuel's brow twitched at my barbed words.

He glared at me, his eyes filled with rage.

"Are you being serious right now?"

"Would I joke about something like this?"

"...I'm a fool for worrying about you."

*Scoff.*

I let out a mocking laugh, my eyes fixed on Samuel.

How dare he speak about me when he knew nothing?

Thorny words, coated in venom, left my mouth.

"I don't need your concern."

"What?"

"Just leave me alone."

*Fwoosh.*

I took another drag from my cigarette, glaring defiantly at Samuel.

*Crunch.*

Suddenly, Samuel grabbed my jaw, his grip tightening as his anger boiled over.

"...You're out of your mind."

*Crackle. Crackle. Crackle.*

Thorns erupted around Samuel, sharp and menacing.

He had activated Gluttony, ready to attack me.

The energy radiating from those thorns was no joke.

He had grown even stronger after obtaining a new body, his magical prowess reaching new heights.

*Woosh.*

I, too, drew Fang of Darkness from my pocket, my eyes cold and sharp.

A terrifying chill, laced with my killing intent, emanated from the dagger, tearing at the very fabric of the space around us.

And then, without a word, we lunged at each other.

*Clang! Clang! Clang!*

My dagger, fueled by my Killing Intent, clashed against Samuel's thorns, slicing through them with ease.

In retaliation, his thorns pierced my flesh, drawing blood.

Small wounds began to litter my body, while cuts and gashes appeared on Samuel's face, staining his skin crimson.

As we were locked in our deadly dance...

"Stop it!"

Miriam, who had rushed over, screamed, her voice shrill with panic.

Only then did Samuel and I break away from each other, lowering our weapons.

Samuel turned his head, his gaze icy.

"...I must've misjudged you."

*Tsk.*

He clicked his tongue disapprovingly.

My shoulders slumped, and a wave of inexplicable anger washed over me.

Through gritted teeth, I spat out,

"No, you saw me perfectly. This is who I've always been."

"Crazy bastard."

*Thump. Thump.*

Samuel cursed under his breath and turned away, stomping off.

Miriam, sensing the tension, scurried after him, her eyes darting nervously between us.

I watched as they disappeared from sight, then...

*Crush.*

I crumpled the cigarette box in my fist, my knuckles turning white.

The remaining cigarettes inside were crushed, unsmokable.

I tossed the mangled box aside and slumped to the floor.

"...Damn it."

As soon as my confrontation with Samuel ended, a wave of self-loathing washed over me.

I really...

I felt like I was going insane.

Unlike the cigarette smoke, invisible tendrils of despair choked me. I buried my face in my hands.

What... What did they expect me to do?

I was trying.

I was trying so hard to save this world, this world on the brink of collapse.

But the more I struggled, the deeper the darkness seemed to grow, its grip on this world tightening.

...And now, it was reaching out to me, trying to drag me down with it.

Even as I acknowledged my role in this, fear still gripped me.

Even the Creator, even I, was nothing but a weak, flawed being.

Afraid of death, afraid of losing connections, afraid of the unknown future stretching before me.

Damn it.

*Thump.*

I slammed my fist against the ground, my frustration and despair overflowing.

Without mana enhancing my strike, it was nothing more than a weak thud.

The skin on my knuckles split, blood welling up in the newly formed cracks.

I didn't stop.

Again.

*Thump. Thump. Thump.*

My fist collided with the floor again and again.

My fingers screamed in protest, bones grinding against each other. White fragments peeked through the torn flesh.

The floor was stained crimson, a testament to my self-inflicted pain.

― *Peep...*

Sijo, witnessing my breakdown, whimpered beside me, nudging my hand with its head.

But it...

It didn't offer even the smallest bit of comfort.

"Damn it all..."

I just wiped my bloody palm across my face.

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