Chapter 124: Soul, Ambition

Luo Pei Shan just shook his head and didn't say anything. He didn't want to do anything, just letting someone go call Jing Wan, and headed to the greenhouse.

As Luo Pei Shan was messing around in the greenhouse, Jing Wan showed up. She'd changed into a relatively simple outfit, and further didn't wear anything on her wrist. She was actually the same as usual. Luo Pei Shan didn't know whether she really didn't care at all, or had everything all bottled up in her heart. This kind of Jing Wan made one heartache, but at the same time, Luo Pei Shan also strangely felt somewhat angry.

If she really didn't care, then how would they, the ones who care about her, be able to bear it. They all wholeheartedly wished for her to be well, yet she herself was indifferent. Then, for what exactly were they running back and forth for? And if she was just concealing in the bottom of her heart, then why can't she just say it out loud? They were all her close family. Even if she didn't want them to worry, but didn't she know that the more she kept quiet, the more they would worry? At least let them know what exactly she was thinking. That way, they wouldn't all be like headless flies.

Sensing the coldness emitting from Luo Pei Shan, and moreover, clearly directed at her, Jing Wan felt a bit confused, "Grandfather, did this granddaughter do something wrong?"

These words thoroughly ignited Luo Pei Shan's anger, seizing Jing Wan and fiercely scolding her. Never mind Jing Wan, even the servants serving at the side all blanked. But hearing his words, it wasn't like he hated third miss. A perceptive servant girl hurriedly ran towards the main courtyard.

Luo Old Madam, after hearing the servant girl's words, hurriedly headed towards the greenhouse, only to hear.............

"..........You are good to this one, good to that one, towards this one, going all out, and towards that one, meticulous in every way, but how come you just can't be a little good to yourself? Right now, you're fourteen, not forty-one, what you need is the naivety of a young girl, and towards the future, should hold some hope and expectation. Even if one were to see through the mundane world, that time isn't now, but rather, after experiencing through a very long process of several decades. Just a silly little girl, yet already wanting to walk to the end in one step, what use is there for old fools like us still? As your close family, could it be that we're just not worthy of your trust? Must you insist on shouldering everything yourself?" After Luo Pei Shan ruthlessly vented his anger, that anger actually extinguished a little. And seeing Jing Wan standing there in the same spot with her head lowered shedding tears, he still heartached in the end. This child ultimately just had heavy thoughts. To say she was open-minded wasn't false, but because she cared too much about the people she cared for, and didn't care too much for herself, it instead made people feel it was somewhat deliberate at times. Although Luo Pei Shan knew, she definitely was sincere, but these, all had her restrained. She wasn't able to truly be open-minded. If she were to untie her restraints, she would be able to live even more willfully and freely, and her life would also be full of color.

(T/N: Tbh for Jing Wan who had a fully matured brain as soon as she popped out of Zhang-shi's womb, it's very difficult for her to truly 'act her age', and her being super rational doesn't help either. Once that child-like innocence is lost, it's impossible to get back, and for Jing Wan she doesn't even bother to pretend. Although forty-one is actually closer to her actual mental age lol.)

Have to say, Luo Pei Shan was indeed an old seasoned fox. The time he has spent with Jing Wan wasn't very long, yet he already accurately saw where the problem was on Jing Wan.

Luo Old Madam, who originally thought that something had happened, this while, just slowly approached, "Wan Wan........."

Jing Wan hurriedly wiped away her tears. She subconsciously didn't want to let her grandmother worry.

"You are precisely just this way, your grandfather isn't wrong in the slightest. If you want to cry, just cry, no need to hold it in." She then swept a glance at the surroundings, "All scatter, what are you all circling around here for?" Regardless whether it was the servants nearby or the ones in the distance, they all quickly left. Even their personal servants all conscientiously moved further away, only leaving behind the three of them.

Luo Pei Shan quietly stared at Jing Wan for a moment, and continued speaking, "The Luo family's glory and disgrace, rise and fall, don't need for you to come consider. How incompetent must I be to need to rely on my granddaughter to come maintain the clan's honor? If the Luo family really falls, then that can only mean that the Luo family's fate has come to an end."

Don't know if it was because of their words, or because Jing Wan really couldn't control her tears, "Grandfather and grandmother treat me too well, this granddaughter has nothing to repay you all. Besides, as a member of the Luo family, doing a little something is what one ought to do."

"Silly child, having the thought is enough. People have 'seven emotions and six desires'[1], one at the very least needs to experience the joys and sorrows of life, and can't because of wanting to reject a certain feeling, just reject them all. By having oneself wrapped up tightly, perhaps one will have everything go smoothly throughout one's life, but this life will also be dull and flavorless. When you grow old, then look back, discovering that there's actually nothing worth reminiscing, isn't that a little too unfortunate. In reality, grandmother sometimes even hope for you to slightly be able to have a little taste of sorrow and bitterness. Although that way it will make us elders heartache, but it's better than you clearly having days you desire, yet you hold no hope towards it. You completely can look forward to that kind of days. If you don't even want to try, then how can you determine, you won't be able to obtain it. Also, what you are thinking inside, you can completely tell grandmother. Even if it goes against the established norm, grandmother won't blame you, and if you have grievances, you can also vent it out." In the past, when they were still at Qi'an Fu, because they didn't touch upon the subject of marriage, Luo Old Madam naturally didn't see any problems on Jing Wan, but through these two marriage arrangements, she finally noticed that Jing Wan was somewhat abnormal. Although it wasn't that one must appear bashful when discussing marriage, it wasn't that one must grieve in despair after getting one's engagement canceled, and it further wasn't that one must worry nervously when one's future mother-in-law expresses dislike, but to not have the slightest reaction at all, that really was not normal.

Jing Wan, after properly crying it out, indeed felt much lighter inside. Perhaps she really can live even more freely and unrestrained.

By the time Jing Wan's emotions settled down, she also realized that today, grandfather probably didn't just get promoted to the Head Minister of Appointments that simple. He probably also encountered something else, otherwise he wouldn't have said these things to her, and further wouldn't have exploded in anger like this. "Grandfather, did something else happen today?"

Luo Pei Shan sighed, turning around to fiddle with an evergreen tree, "That Kang Qinwang is one that can't hold up a wall[2]." He had the matters that happened after morning court roughly explained. Although he got schemed against by Li Hong Ming, he however didn't feel there was anything wrong with what Li Hong Ming did. "If not for the Empress as well as the Sun clan supporting from behind, he most likely would've long been schemed to death. If he ascends the throne, then in the future, it'll most likely be the outside relatives wielding power, and the inner palace interfering in politics."

"The inner palace interfering in politics? Grandfather is referring to the current Empress, the future Empress Dowager?"

Luo Pei Shan glanced at her. That's why, this dear granddaughter, aside from being a bit too 'ruthless' at certain times, in other aspects, really can't be nitpicked.

"This, isn't likely, right?" One has to know, in the previous dynasty, the inner palace interfering in politics was a very serious matter. And when it came to the Qi Yuan dynasty, and the Li clan took control of the rivers[3], 'the inner palace forbidden to interfere in politics' was further directly incorporated into the Li clan imperial family's ancestral teachings. The current Empress, to put it bluntly, was also the Li family's daughter-in-law, did she have the guts to challenge the ancestral teachings?

(T/N: The inner palace, although is often times translated as the harem, it covers more than just the harem, because it also encompasses the women from the previous generation like the Empress Dowager. Essentially it's just used to refer to the womenfolk that live in the palace.)

"Grandmother, nothing is impossible, all depends on whose hand the authority is grasped in. If you ask me, if Empress Sun just wants to be that power wielder behind the scene after her son ascends the throne, then her ambitions are still a bit small."

This time, even Luo Pei Shan stared at Jing Wan with wide eyes.

Jing Wan smiled, "If I have to say, the Sun rise in place of the Li, a dynasty's female emperor, that would truly be considered impressive for her."

"To say you dare to say what others don't dare to think, these words really aren't false." Luo Pei Shan clicked his tongue, "Whether or not the Empress has the intention to interfere in politics in the future is still uncertain. However, that ambition definitely isn't able to reach the level that you say, she probably never even thought of it before." Luo Pei Shan stroked his beard, "In this case, the Empress's ambition really is a bit small."

Jing Wan just silently smiled. It's not that she dared to think of it, but rather in the history of the world of her past life, there was a female emperor[4]. Now that was true ambition, strong and formidable, ruthless and fierce. Furthermore, there was also the various other countries' queens, female presidents, female prime ministers, and many other outstanding and admirable women. Each and every one of them were all praiseworthy. In her view, no woman was naturally born to be weak, becoming just a vassal. Thus towards the Empress's ambition, she didn't feel there was anything wrong.

"Right now, the problem is that even if I want to wholeheartedly help Kang Qinwang, it's all not that easy."

"If it really is as grandfather thinks, then the Empress will take care of Kang Qinwang. The reason why Rui Qinwang's scheme is able to succeed is nothing more than just due to having a grasp on Kang Qinwang's temper. The Empress isn't someone that can be schemed against that easily."

"These words aren't wrong, but 'a mud man is still three part clay', compared to Rui Qinwang, Kang Qinwang perhaps is a bit mediocre and incompetent, but in the end still an imperial prince. He may not necessarily not have the intentions of using the Empress. That's why, the Empress isn't a hundred percent effective either. Moreover, there's also the saying called 'outward devotion but inner opposition'[5]. Can the Empress have Kang Qinwang kept under her eyelids at all times? Also, if the Empress interferes too much, it'll inevitably cause the other court officials that support Kang Qinwang to oppose. After all, this meritorious deed of following the dragon also had the distinction between big and small. Although they were led by the Ding Duke Manor, they still can't let the Sun clan monopolize all the benefits in the end. That's why, within the same faction, there was also the struggle for benefits. Mutually pushing one another aside is very normal. Right now, I'm sitting on the high position of Head Minister of Appointments. Once squeezed into the ranks, I'll inevitably thin out many people's benefits. Then, for them to use today's matter to fan the flames in front of Kang Qinwang is also something that can't be more normal."

Jing Wan thought for a moment, "Since that's the case, then grandfather can only try one's best, and if it's truly not possible, then just do as they desire. Truly changing sides to Rui Qinwang's faction isn't necessarily undoable."

"If it really comes to this, then what will you do in the future? We can't just when that time comes let you cancel your engagement with Sun Yi Lin again? In the entire capital, someone like Sun Yi Lin, who has status and position, and even willing to keep himself clean, afraid, can't find a second one. Once Rui Qinwang ascends the throne, even if he is unable to eradicate the entire Sun clan, the Ding Duke Manor will undoubtedly not exist anymore. When time comes, letting you return to the Luo family isn't impossible, but that isn't something your grandmother and I want to see."

"Then just have Sun Yi Lin saved too. If he has unflinching righteousness and insists on perishing together with the Ding Duke Manor, then prior to that, if he has never let me down in the slightest, then so what if I remain faithful to him for a lifetime? And if there's even children between us, then I will wholeheartedly raise them into adulthood." She paused for a moment, "Grandfather, women don't necessarily need to attach themselves to men to be able to live out their life, and having a man that's good to her isn't necessarily happiness. A woman's heart isn't necessarily just that small piece of haven in the back manor either."

In that moment, Luo Pei Shan finally understood, this precious granddaughter of his, really isn't someone that cares about romance. Eternal devotion for a lifetime is just her ideal marriage. If she can obtain it, then it's her good fortune, and if she can't, then she definitely won't insist on it.

"For you to be able to have these words said out loud, grandfather is very happy."

"Grandfather, you aren't a qualifying (Confucian) scholar official." This Sir Luo's respect towards women wasn't like someone of this era.

"Can only say, this grandfather once met a very special woman. Her influence towards this grandfather was very big."

Jing Wan immediately batted her eyes towards her own grandmother.

"What are you foolishly thinking, it's not what you think, that person is his Majesty's little (paternal) aunt, Princess Heyang."

[1] I don't want to define this every single time so I added it to the bottom of the historical notes page under miscellaneous.

[2] Variation of the idiom 'mud can't stick on a brick wall', basically saying he's a disappointment or useless.

[3] 'Rivers' is another way to refer to the country.

[4] Reference to Wu Zhetian, the one and only female emperor of chinese history, however there were quite a few Empress Dowager's with puppet emperors.

[5] Paying lip service; to agree overtly but oppose in secret.

T/N: Grandpa Luo's weird affair with Princess Heyang lmaooo