Chapter 109

"Then, let me ask you this. Why are you hesitating to accept the role of Prince Myeong-Hwan? Based on your reaction, I don't think you completely dislike the role," asked Director Yoon Seon.

Director Yoon grumbled about how this situation was giving him false hope. Since Woo-Jin couldn't refute it, he looked up at the clouds. Just like how the clouds change shape constantly, Woo-Jin changed his mind several times throughout the day.

"Because any actor would want the role of Prince Myeong-Hwan that's portrayed in the Red Enemy. I agree that the actor Chae Woo-Jin wants to accept the role," he said.

That's why Woo-Jin couldn't strongly reject the role. Perhaps, it would've been better if he didn't read the script. If Woo-Jin hadn't read that, he would've already declined the role regardless of what the director and the people around him said. However, actor Chae Woo-Jin was unable to fully let go of Prince Myeong-Hwan because of the growth opportunities available when acting in this movie. Hyun-Min's suggestion to grab the opportunity when he had the chance kept repeating in his head. Even Woo-Jin himself thought that his dawdling was frustrating and despite the fact that he created this situation, he was angry and annoyed.

"Then, what is the normal Chae Woo-Jin thinking about?" asked the director.

"I'm afraid that my mental boundaries will break down," answered Woo-Jin.

Since Woo-Jin couldn't tell Director Yoon about his past life, it was difficult for him to put his feelings into words. Instead, he explained the mental confusion and depression that actors experienced after filming.

"What should I do if I lose myself in the role and start becoming delusional once I'm done filming? What should I do if it affects human Chae Woo-Jin's personality? I'm scared that the boundary between me and Prince Myeong-Hwan will break down to the point where I won't know who I am anymore," explained Woo-Jin.

"Have you experienced something similar before?"

Woo-Jin shook his head after hearing Director Yoon's question. If the role was a character of a different historical figure, then Woo-Jin wouldn't have to think so hard about it.

This would be different from the photo shoots where he had to act out a different personality. For those situations, he acted by reflecting on the life he had once lived. Woo-Jin wouldn't have to think so hard about it he had to act as if Prince Myeong-Hwan had been time-warped to the future. But in this current situation, he could only feel embarrassed because it felt like he was writing his own autobiography.

Woo-Jin's feelings were so complicated it was hard to put into words. He was required to act as Prince Myeong-Hwan, who was one of his past lives, not for days or hours, but for months. Woo-Jin was worried about whether he'd be able to return to reality with normalcy afterward. There wasn't a set rule that Prince Myeong-Hwan's personality wasn't going to affect Woo-Jin's personality. It would be all too easy for the wall to keep crumbling once the first crack happened. It would be difficult to guarantee what would happen after that. It was inevitable that he would feel afraid of a situation that he had never experienced before.

"It's a fear that many actors experience and grapple with, but you've never experienced this before, so why are you feeling so apprehensive about Prince Myeong-Hwan? Especially when we haven't even started filming yet," said Director Yoon Seon.

Woo-Jin didn't know what to say, so he accidentally told a lie.

"That's because...I really like Prince Myeong-Hwan and he's my idol. I can't stop thinking about the possibility of being too immersed once I get into character."

Woo-Jin's words sounded stiffer than reading a Korean book, but Director Yoon Seon's eyes sparkled. What Woo-Jin wanted to say was that he wasn't the kind of person Director Yoon thought he was, but since Woo-Jin was unable to explain his situation, he had no choice but to acknowledge it by avoiding his gaze. Since he had said it himself, he couldn't deny it anymore. "It's normal to be worried," the director said.

"Is it normal?" Woo-Jin asked.

"You're not the only one who is worried about that. There are a lot of actors who have reached the point where the better their acting is, the more they are immersed into the role. It comes to the point where they struggle to differentiate reality," answered Director Yoon.

Director Yoon's words were right, but what he was saying was different from the situation that Woo-Jin was in, so he just kicked at the cobblestones with the tip of his shoe. Woo-Jin felt like a patient who had lied and hid his sickness from his doctor during a consultation.

"You asked me a few days ago, right? Whether one movie can change a person's life. Do you think a movie like that can be made with minimum effort?" asked Director Yoon.

Unless the director was a genius who could create a masterpiece with minimum effort, it would be hard to ignore the amount of effort and time that went into making one movie.

"The photos that we saw just now, do you think they came out the way the photographer wanted? Of course, a photo that was taken by chance can touch people's hearts, but most of them took countless attempts and practice in order to create one piece of art," explained Director Yoon.

Even though they specialized in different areas, the amount of effort that was put into their work was the same and people who specialize in art all share the same goal.

"I believe that fundamentally, art exists in order for people to empathize with and gather inspiration from. However, I also know that it's not something that everyone can do," added Director Yoon.

In order to create the art that he envisioned, putting in minimum effort won't move people since they would evaluate it based on the results. The amount of effort and trouble that was put in was judged based on the results. No matter how much effort was put into creating the piece, if the public evaluated it as being trash, then all the past efforts were considered wasted and no one wanted that outcome. That's why people were more desperate and immersed in the world of art. It was to the point that people went crazy for this so-called art.

"There are people that call us entertainers, but I believe we're artistes who spearhead modern culture. But rather than being the chosen few to spearhead culture, I think we're more like performance artists that express ourselves through our work. We artists can't help the fact that we get really immersed in our work," said Director Yoon Seon.

"Then, what should I do once we're done filming? What I'm afraid of is that I might change after we're done filming the movie. I don't want it to affect my everyday life," said Woo-Jin.

Director Yoon burst out laughing after hearing Woo-Jin's answer. He had needlessly imagined Chae Woo-Jin acting as Prince Myeong-Hwan in his daily life.

"When I'm working on a project, I become the creator. But once I'm done editing and have nothing else to work on, there are many times when I experience the feeling of helplessness. After all, once I finish filming a movie, I'm nothing more than an old man that's heading towards his 60s. That helplessness may be similar to what actors feel when they break out of their roles," explained Director Yoon.

Actors weren't the only ones that went crazy. While filming a movie, Director Yoon could create a world, break it down and redefine it from the creator's point of view. Within that world, he could control one's life and destroy a country. But after acting like some great being in the fantasy world for months, it was difficult to get used to the shabby appearance that was reflected in the mirror. There were times when he felt a sense of helplessness and low self-esteem, which was a bit different from what the actors felt.

"Then how did you overcome it, Director Yoon?" asked Woo-Jin.

"Is there a need to overcome it? It's a part of me and part of my job, so I just meditate on it. Oh, so this is what I'm feeling this time. I closely monitor the thing that's causing me to feel frustrated and dejected and once I do that, it gives me energy for my next project and I know how to deal with it," the director answered.

Director Yoon Seon revealed that observing himself was a very fun thing to do.

"I don't even know myself very well and yet, I'm making a film that can move the hearts of others. It's pretty funny and that's why I'm happy and proud of your concern right now," he said.

There are a lot of actors that tackle a project based on the script and role alone, and it was normal for them to be confident based on their personal taste and the success of the work. There weren't that many actors that rejected the role of a film that guaranteed success. In Director Yoon Seon's point of view, he hasn't seen that many actors like Chae Woo-Jin that thought seriously about the role.

Seeing as how he didn't think badly of Chae Woo-Jin, he was probably really fond of him. Just like how he spent three years trying to find an actor, if the actor who was offered the role of Prince Myeong-Hwan thought long and hard before deciding, he would feel grateful. He wanted the actor to not just rely on the success of the movie, but to think hard about Prince Myeong-Hwan.

"But if you really can't do it, then I won't pressure you any longer," he said.

"...?"

"I've seen a few actors who got ruined because they weren't able to break out of their roles. If you're feeling that kind of danger, then it's better if you don't do it because I cherish and love talented actors like you," said the director.

There was a reason why actors had panic disorder and drug addictions. It's either because they were pressured by the role; or that they think they are unable to handle the role; or like what Woo-Jin was worried about, they became too immersed in the role and started empathizing with the character.

"Then what about the movie?"

"You don't need to worry about that. Just think about yourself. The theme of Red Enemy is to love and cherish yourself; I can't force an actor to accept the role if they're afraid that it's going to ruin them," he answered.

Director Yoon Seon's smile was just as warm as the movies that he made. At the very least, he wasn't like Production Director Park Jong-Hyuk, who considered the work as the top priority.

Just like the photo exhibition, 'The People I Love,' Woo-Jin was certain that Director Yoon-Seon was going to turn Prince Myeong-Hwan into a person that everyone loved through Red Enemy.

At this moment, Woo-Jin realized that he was at the crossroad of choices. He was worried about the things that could happen. It's possible that nothing may happen or it could be an adventure where he would lose himself. If he overcomes this hurdle, then he'd have the confidence to take on any role in the future.

Director Yoon Seon mentioned that he wanted the people who watched Prince Myeong-Hwan and his movie to experience the season of spring, but this also applied to Woo-Jin. He knew that through this movie, spring would come into his life too.

Besides Prince Myeong-Hwan, Woo-Jin looked back at the figures in his past lives who could potentially be featured in a movie or a drama. There weren't any foreigners, so he could exclude them. Including Prince Myeong-Hwan, there was a total of three people. One of them had already been featured in a drama, so there was a possibility of it happening.

'Does that mean I need to keep avoiding them?'

Woo-Jin wondered if avoiding those roles just because they were his past lives was the right thing to do when he wanted to accept them.

"But you know. Even if it doesn't apply this time, when you pick a role, don't be too afraid of changing because of the influence of the role," the director told him.

"How could I not be afraid when I'm losing myself?" asked Woo-Jin.

"Why do you think that you're losing yourself?" asked Director Yoon.

"Doesn't that mean that a part of me is changing because of the role's influence?"

"People always change. Does it make sense that you want people to change in a positive way through this movie, but you yourself don't want to change? More than that, there's no guarantee that this would be a bad influence," pointed out Director Yoon.

The director wanted to make a movie where people could feel the season of spring and learn to love themselves. But if the actor ended up being ruined, then that would be illogical.

"As long as you're human, change is normal. How you change is the important part," said the director.

Woo-Jin did a self reflection after hearing Director Yoon's words because up until now, he had experienced a lot of changes. Being able to remember his past lives was what influenced him the most, but that didn't mean it affected him in a negative way. When he found himself in an intense situation, Woo-Jin protected himself by being rational and was trying to become a better person bit by bit.

When Woo-Jin looked at Kim Tae-Hwa, he wanted her to change. It was a pity that she was trapped in a stagnant background, not knowing how small and suffocating the world she was living in. Kim Tae-Hwa didn't know that a new life could unfold before her eyes if she just broke away every so slightly.

If one movie or one photo could be the chance to change a person's thoughts and life, then Woo-Jin wanted to do that for her. No, not just Kim Tae-Hwa, but for others as well. Woo-Jin obtained this sense of altruism that he didn't have before and this could be considered as a change.

Up until now, Woo-Jin was interested in beautiful works, stories that moved him, and unique characters. But when he appeared on The King of the Masked Singers as Hanryang Doryeong, he saw how the audience emphatized with his songs and that's when he realized many things.

A desire to create works that can move people's hearts awakened inside him and it was also the moment where he became certain of the ideals that were once uncertain to him. Even though he was given the opportunity to start, Woo-Jin had been avoiding it because of his fear or uncertainty.

However, Director Yoon Seon had told him to look back at himself. Whether it was courage or rationality, it was something that Woo-Jin really needed. If it was something he eventually had to do, then he wanted to do it with Director Yoon Seon. An adult like Director Yoon Seon would probably catch him if he deviated from the correct path. As both an actor and a person, Woo-Jin was standing at an important crossroad in his life and he needed a teacher that he could trust and rely on.

It really didn't take much to change his mind.

Thanks to Director Yoon Seon's words, Woo-Jin looked at his negative thoughts from a different aspect and became hopeful. If he accepted and acknowledged his fear rather than trying to overcome it, then it wouldn't be a fear of the unknown. It could give him the strength to reflect and a reason to improve himself. Out of the many changes that he experienced so far, all he had to do was to face another one.

"Do you think I'll do well?" asked Woo-Jin.

"Even if I have to give up on this movie, you're a good actor who I want to protect," he answered.

Director Yoon didn't give Woo-Jin confidence or false promises for the sake of convincing him. As a person that trusted and cherished Woo-Jin's talents, he just gave his opinions.

It would be silly not to film a movie with a director like him. Even though letting the elder offer the handshake to someone below them was the polite thing to do, Woo-Jin extended his right hand towards Director Yoon Seon first. Right now, Woo-Jin didn't want to nitpick about that and Director Yoon Seon wasn't the type of person that cared about formalities.

"I look forward to working with you."

After a long wait, Woo-Jin's answer was like music to the ears. As Director Yoon Seon grabbed Woo-Jin's hand, the smile that appeared on his face was as bright as a spring flower. The warm wind that signaled the start of spring was here.