11.5 Chapter 1.7: Graduation Ceremony Part 7

Part 7

As I was walking back together with Hirata, he looked over at me just as we passed the convenience store.

Then, as if nothing happened, he faced forwards again.

This was something that Hirata repeated several times in the past few minutes.

It was as if Hirata was waiting for an opportunity to start a conversation.

Soon, Hirata spoke, as if he had made up his mind.

"Actually-Ayanokouji-kun, I need to tell you something."

Hirata said hesitantly.

For a moment, I thought he was going to speak about the end of year exam, but he did not give me that sort of feeling.

"Is there anything you wanted to discuss?"

"Yeah... Well, I really do want to talk about this with you."

After thinking a little, Hirata admitted that.

"Well, I'm not sure if I'll be of any help, but you can tell me."

Having Hirata depend on me didn't feel too bad.

It's just that I couldn't predict what the topic of the discussion would be.

Although he was depressed for a while during the incident with Yamauchi being expelled, that incident had been resolved.

Even if there were certain feelings he wasn't able to let go of, it wasn't worth consulting me.

Those things should have been resolved to the extent that the rest of the problems would fix itself.

"You might find this unexpected of me..."

Starting with this sentence, Hirata continued.

"I, um, it feels like I can't be bothered with relationships and love anymore... I'm not sure about myself."

That was an unexpected start.

I didn't think that Hirata would come to me to talk about love.

"You're not sure?"

Let's clear some stuff up first.

I pressed him to continue.

"I think I might have never liked a girl in my life..."

Hirata confessed shyly.

"So you're saying that you've never dated a girl before?"

"Other than the agreement with Karuizawa, never."

Maybe this wasn't so unexpected, but it was still surprising.

Hirata treated both boys and girls equally, and I would have thought he experienced love at least once or twice in his life.

Although you couldn't really count the relationship between Hirata and Kei.

Pretending to be lovers, all to protect Kei from being bullied.

But if he said he never liked a girl before...

"So you're saying you don't have someone you like now?"

"Yeah..."

Although one of his merits was the ability to look at all girls in the same light, this was still a bit unbelievable.

"Then what about the situation with Mii-chan?"

Mii-chan very much hoped for progress with her relationship with Hirata, showing that she clearly had feelings for him.

"I can't see myself in a relationship with her, but I can't tell her that."

Mii-chan said that she wanted to start with being friends.

After that, of course, she would look forward to the chance for them to develop into lovers.

But since Hirata didn't have that desire, it would be difficult for her to make progress.

And if he avoided her for no clear reason and dragged this on, it wouldn't do her any good.

So that's the thing.

This was the source of Hirata's uncertainty that he wanted to discuss with me.

"I think it's best to just say this directly to her. But, that seems to be difficult."

To make her understand without hurting her was a difficult thing to accomplish.

"A conflicting view—— Of course you would feel that way, huh."

"Yeah."

It was because of Hirata's kindness that he was always involved in cruel situations like this.

"But, that's just the situation now, and who knows what will change in the future?"

The feeling of love wasn't something you can control.

It could quietly sprout at unexpected moments.

...At least that's what I think.

"Sure, I don't know if that's a possibility. But..."

However, Hirata didn't want his relationship with Mii-chan to progress any further.

There doesn't seem to be anything unsatisfactory about Mii-chan in terms of appearance and personality.

But of course, love wasn't just about those factors.

"I can assert to you that...I won't ever have those kinds of feelings."

Although he wasn't entirely sure, Hirata still insisted on his answer.

In that case, there's only one thing I can say.

"It's better to just make it clear, because Mii-chan is still hoping that her relationship with you can progress."

I looked into Hirata's eyes while I said this.

If the answer to that question was kept to himself, Mii-chan would have to keep waiting forever.

So, it would be better to clear things up as early as possible.

If Mii-chan continued to think about Hirata even after that, she was free to do so.

But Hirata avoided my gaze.

"Even...if, it would hurt her?"

"Delaying in answering the question even though you have it would only cause more harm, right?

I once again looked into Hirata's eyes and said.

Hirata met my gaze and then quickly looked away again.

"Well, um, right, that's right..."

He nodded two or three times, as if he was admonishing himself.

And then he came to a new conclusion.

"Thanks for talking about this with me, Ayanokouji-kun. This gives me courage too. It's the same as running away, not having the consciousness of hurting the other person."

He seemed to have successfully found the answer.

"So are you able to explain this to her clearly?"

"I don't know if it's the right thing to do, but I know which way is the one that's really hurting her.

Hirata considered both approaches.

He was silent, with his thoughts being conveyed on his face.

Continuing being silent, or straightforwardly expressing it.

Hirata understood that the second option would be better for Mii-chan, and so he was no longer conflicted.

If he were the old Hirata, he would have been troubled, and it would have taken him a long time to find the answer.

He would probably continue to be obsessed with the "not hurting others" option, and would be lost inside the maze of thoughts and feelings.

Not long after his worries had been resolved, Hirata seemed like he had something to say.

"What is it?"

I asked.

"Oh, err... from now on...Can I call you Kiyotaka-kun?"

"Eh?"

I was wondering what he would say, but this turned out to be very unexpected.

"Well, if it's okay with you, you can call me by my first name as well... is that fine?

Was this a step forward for our friendship?

My relationship with him had gone one step further, just like with Keisei, Akito, Haruka, and Airi.

"If you're okay with it, of course."

Seeing how I agreed so willingly, Hirata smiled from the bottom of his heart.

"Really? Can you really?"

"You mean being referred to by your first name? Isn't that common for you, Hira- Yosuke?

Although I remember Hirata addressing both boys and girls by their last names, it was not unusual at all.

"Well, before that happened, it wasn't unusual at all."

He was talking about that incident, during Hirata's middle school days when his friend was bullied, which led to him attempting suicide.

"Since then... I've always been afraid to get closer to people. I'll treat everyone equally, but I make any important friends."

It had been 2 years since then, and it seemed like Hirata had only used surnames to address others.

Speaking of this, Hirata treated everyone in the class the same way.

This held true even when the whole class unanimously chose to drive out Yamauchi from the class.

But it seems that yet again, he was able to break out of that shell, this time on his own.

Hirata's development was also quite remarkable, even compared to the other students who have also grown throughout the year.

"That's why I'm really grateful to you... Kiyotaka-kun."

His gaze that was avoiding me came back. It was a look that said he wanted to convey something.

"I'm flattered, thanking me so much."

Although I got some sort of sappy feeling from all this, I still accepted it open-heartedly.